| Broken Wings of Benvolio |: July 2004

Saturday, July 31, 2004

you went back in the dark, got me kinda worried. thank goodness.. hmm, sorry again for not bringing u back home.. i m sorry yah. haha eeyore eeyore. yeah it will watch over u. i told it to. i whisper to it to watch over u, and it promised me.. =D
muackz..
yeah jansen, joyce and hui xian, have not been toking to u peeps much. haha.. juz merely shook hands. haha. hmmm take care.. and yeah.. missing you, always... =D

Irritating Chicken rice..the garlic of the chilli have to get stuck in my teeth, wah u now how much i hate garlic.. everytime i bite, the taste will start coming, freaking disgusting, going to rinse my mouth le. damn it! haha

New York Cheese Cake rocks...
so many cute sheeps with beans.. awwwwh.. nice nice!!!!
=D
u made it perfect.. u made it perfect!!!!! thank u for coming.. thank u.. muackz...! =x

Thursday, July 29, 2004

what should i drink and eat tml???
i noe i have to get my hands on that monstrous looking californian cheese cake... haha.. woaaah... damn nice.. wat to get for drink.. tml den see ba. haha.. cheese.. cheese cake!!!!! yummy

feeling broken, cos i could not do anything abt your pain. i had gastric once, and its very painful. hmmm, yeah, so sorry... i could not share ur burden and stuff, its painful, i noe, bear wif it kz. i m sure u will get better once u take ur medicine often, worrying abt ya 24/7... update me on ur condition asap ok.. take care ahz.. muackz... =D

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

everyday there are many things happening...
good, bad, ugly?
for me, the bad and the ugly,
i take them as a normal matter, a normal situation to handle..
for me, the good and the most beautiful,
i take them as miracles.. miracles. hopefully they will last..
i could handle it well...
but what i fail...
is that it kills me to see ppl beside me get hurt because of wat happened to me..
it hurts... it burns..
i m now living in a miracle...
i m sure i will make it...
you need me...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

iris..
i dunnoe why, but i find songs that i like quite meaningful to my life. i dunnoe, maybe its juz individual perception.. i quote..

["I dun want them to see me..
I dun wan the world to see me..
cos i dun think they understand
when everything meant to be broken
I juz want you to noe who I am.."]

Something about you...
=D nice song isnt it. haha love the tune, so comfortable.. baby please, something about u gal, i cant hold on too long.. lalala. hahaaa. wonder how your test is coming along. hmmm. take good care of yaself kz. haha wish u good luck. good luck.. HUAT HUAT HUAT. oops that is for betting.. haha Jia you Jia you. hahaha take care rite??

Monday, July 26, 2004

my dad is sleeping in the living room, god he mush be real tired... cos i m in my room, and i can hear his snoores. covers a blanket over him.. =D

tried abt 4 games todae... at abt 2.30pm.. went for some 'secret' training.. for my bowling skills.. haha no longkangs! all go into the targeted area, but yeah if 'goal post' OLE OLE.. sure goal one. haha.. but right now not as pro as those spinning bowling balls.. haha.. how to spin bowling ball.. how how? but haha nxt time can bowl wif ya le. wo meng bi yi xia gao di hao ma!!!!!!

my everything by 98 degrees..
neah this is not gonna be the lyrics. yeah its a very meaningful song.. when ur in love. u listen to love songs.. my everything describes it all.. yeah.. missing u

i miss you so much. i wish to sms you. but its juz not possible..haha cos ur not free right now.. and it is not convenient.. haas u noe i noe. hey haha get back to me kz in the evening perhaps, after 5.30?? yeah.. take care...

missing you 24/7

Sunday, July 25, 2004

I SCREWED UP!!!
ahhh its not i cant bring myself to say it, i dun wanna attract my parents' attention. not say that they oppose or anything, but they will give me those curious and ahhh funny kinda look.. which i cant take it. haha. but hey i mean every word i sae to u. i mean everything i say. i really love u. i really do. if ur reading this, call me, cos i m missing u 24/7... take care of urself kz. i cant be physically there, but if u have any problems, come to me baby.. woah baby.. haha dear? what should i call u now. ur so special.. so sweet, yet vulnerable..

love u for wat u are. happy to be with u. muackz!

I want love
To carry me through
All the moments, I'd kindly undo
Locked away
So I can feel safe

Now that I'm down on my knees, begging for change
Look down at the water
Before I jump in
To find I was sinking fast, in all the might have been

Chorus :
What I need now is an honest answer, to make things better
You can see now my hands are tied, and I surrender
So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer

Is there love without hate
Is there pleasure without pain?
I have seen all my mistakes
I cast you out, but now, I want you back
So light me again, cause my heart is turning black

Chorus

Remember the night you wore that dress
It flowed through out lips
Drink after drink, and kiss after kiss
I'm still holding on, day after day
Don't run away

I want love to carry me through
Can you tell me what I'm supposed to do

Chorus

think this is a great song! so meaningful!!!

u msged me this afternoon, u ask if it matters.. no doubt if i tell ya dat the age does not matter, it would be a lie. a super lie. but of course, parents are understanding. they have been in love before. they noe what is it like when it comes to relationship, there are no boundaries. maybe there is (exceptional case) haha.. but.. age, is one common thing.. age.. but she will be ok. i think she will like u definitely. she is a very reasonable person, and i m sure.. i m really sure.. i like u a lot. u are very important to me, without ur sms and calls, its so different, its like as if i am alone and stuff, i kinda miss ya lots. hmmm, juz hope to clarify.. i really like u a lot. haha.. how how? urghh. huggie? haha u take care. if ur reading this most prob is tml late afternoon le...haha but yeah.. u take care. i hope u have the same sentiments too...

i am falling in love.. there is juz this something between us... is that chemistry? we have so much to tok, we click so well.. how do u find us? as i said before ur juz so u. missing u..

"Because Of You" by 98 degrees

You're my sunshine after the rain
You're the cure against my fear and my pain
'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around
It's all (It's all)
It's all because of you
You're my sunshine, oh yeah

Baby I really know by now
Since we met that day
You showed me the way
I felt it then
you gave me love, I can't describe
How much I feel for you
I said baby I should have known by now
Should have been right there
whenever you gave me love
And if only you were here
I'd tell you, yes I'd tell you (oh yeah)

You're my sunshine after the rain
You're the cure against my fear and my pain
'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around
It's all (It's all)
It's all because of you
You're my sunshine, oh yeah

Honestly could it be you and me
Like it was before neither less or more
'Cause when I close my eyes at night
I realize that no one else could ever take your place
I still can feel and it's so unreal
When you're touching me, kisses endlessly
It's just a place in the sun where our love's begun
I miss you, yes I miss you baby, oh yeah

You're my sunshine after the rain
You're the cure against my fear and my pain
'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around
It's all (It's all)
It's all because of you
You're my sunshine, oh yeah

If I knew how to tell you what's on my mind
(Make you understand)
The I'd always be there right by your side

You're my sunshine after the rain
You're the cure against my fear and my pain
'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around
It's all (It's all)
It's all because of you
You're my sunshine, oh yeah

You're my sunshine
You're my sunshine
Oh yeah

Saturday, July 24, 2004

i met u with the greetings of many 'ermm', 'mmm' haha and lots of one word greet
u look alright, i am quite stigmatized with myself cos i guess i have low low self-esteem...
at first we started off pretty quiet, i was scared i leave u a very bad bad impression..
so bad u wont give me a chance. i was scared. i m juz so not confident about myself..
cos u are juz so perfect, i wish to tell u that but i juz cant bring it out..
m i shy? no.. but i juz wanna make u feel comfortable, cos u are very nervous..
i wish u could read my mind, as good as i can read urs
i think we are alright after we 'warm' up a little. haha started laffing and all that..
u are juz so u, i like the way u smile and all.
brown eyes.. ahhh =D

i love spending the time wif ya.. really cherish it a lot... thanks for ur time. =D hope u enjoy it too yah =D

wing of angel is broken, cant fly when the rain is heavy, cant meet you. sorry.. cos i m really looking forward to meeting u. but hmmm, really have to wait for 30th le ahz.. cant wait.. cant wait to meet you

Friday, July 23, 2004

i hope you are ok. i think u are. misunderstandings between friends are very common.. its juz a matter of clarification, found out that trust.. the word trust, is a freaking sensitive word among friends, and i have witnessed... the true meaning of the word, and how destructive it could be when it comes to friendship and relationship, yesterdae.. haiz. a reality of life, sad but true.. fark life

Thursday, July 22, 2004

hurt has made you go quiet, it scares me. somehow i become sad gradually.
why?
cos i can do nothing.. nothing to make you happy. naturally the blaming myself thingy overcome me... are you really feeling better.. haiz.. i wish to be there for you (m i?) or maybe i could read right into your mind.. hmmm or m i making matter worse.. for you peeps..

"honest.. unpretendous and all.. i like ur frankness" that is what you said. and yeah got me blushing till now.. haha. you take care right, study hard ahz..

you are different, i dun noe how different, but juz so special. Do you noe that? i was overwhelmed that you feel comfortable and happy after you noe me, i m myself, and you are accepting what i am. i think that is real sweet. i think we are going on fine, we are developing, not so fast not so slow.. juz right... lets not rush things, and let nature take its course. i m sure we can make it... i m sure we can... if we commit.. =D f@ith always... you take care, haha my favourite line...

urghh, i was surfing net this early morning, and i was unaware of the time, gosh and for the 2nd time i missed my bus 138!!! i was so god damn carried away canz! why cant the stupid bus juz wait for me.. urghh gonna be in camp. nothing to do at all.. and i hate blogging when i m in camp.. there is error msg which appear 5 times, and there is like 16 seconds in between each interval.. haha freaking irritating.. why m i so irritated easily todae? haha i m cranky or juz tired. have a good rest... i slept pretty well.. finally for 2 consecutive days.. i no longer feel sad.. when i wake up... is it cos of you? *winks...

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

my msn avatar.. for another 3 months? haha

asking myself many stuff lately.. but haha seem to be afraid to dig deep down... so.. haiz.. i dunnoe.. every morning, when i wake up, especially when it rains, i dunnoe, i m juz sad.. juz sad.. so hahaa what is going on now wif me.. manz.. there are no clouds todae, sad, the clouds in camp were so great but however they are being damaged by the rain in the morning. how contradicting that nature creates such beautiul clouds.. and nature destroy them.. haha that goes to show how powerful nature is... sad... i miss those clouds.. i wish i could have a camera.. damn.. clouds.. are juz so lovely.. how i miss.. the clouds.. haiz.. sad... when can i see it again??? wonder how yx is doing.. never hear from her.. since morning, suddenly kinda missed her.. hmmm.. miss toking to her i guess... =D

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before, I was sure?

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(She is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), the villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you..

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say.
Still I will always fight on for you.
Fight on for you...
Fight on for you..

this song is great.. this song is juz so great.... urghhh.. fantastic... i love the music flow.. its so rock!

Everyday I do the same thing
wake up, work, eat, sleep, dream
I got to thinking one day
About everyone I see on my way
We all live the same so it seems
Stuck in this endless rutine

We are all Robots, programmed the same
Living out our lives, in this fucked up game
Wake, work, eat, sleep, never any gain
Day by Day feeling nothing but pain

I tried to figure out when does anyone win
I learned its like pacman, there's never an end
Level after level, more and more chaos
go as far as you want, there's never a boss
Running around eating up everything we can
Running and hiding from what I call "the man"

We are all Robots, programmed the same
Living out our lives, in this fucked up game
Wake, work, eat, sleep, never any gain
Welcome to the real, Life is but a Game

hahah a great poem to kick off I,robot.. hahahaha

ahhh magi-mee in the morning, wif no msg, and have a combo wif my mum's special egg with onions and vegetables. its healthy, haha.. combo with a cup of milo. haha. ok.. spoilt brat. promise i will learn cooking after my national service yah. haha. now in camp. nothing much for today, will be a slacky day. haha.. damn sianz.. sad, haiz... =D

Monday, July 19, 2004

was on my wae to camp. i love the clouds in camp. todae was beautiful. a part of the sky was kinda like covered with a light bluish piece of silk cloth. haas as for the other part of the sky, its like many jellyfish floated up to the surface of the ocean. its nice. its real nice.. too bad i dun have a camera, and i cant bring camera to camp. haha.. going to work le.. take care. ciao...

Sunday, July 18, 2004

heard this song.. when doing my day by day stuff... interesting song...

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
‘Til all you had spilled over
Now everything’s so far away
That you don’t know where you are, you are

[Chorus:]
When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to [2x]
For you to belong to

When it’s hard to be yourself
It’s not to be someone else
Still everything’s so far away
That you forget where you are, you are

[Chorus:]
When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to [2x]

Hold on [8x]

[Chorus:]
When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to [3x]
For you to belong to

its from spiderman 2.. ya

i slept in front of my pc.. god.. for one hour.. cant believe it. haha was watching that two gals reconciling. ahhz haha.. yeah... tats abt it.. haha and my parents din wake me up.. maybe they tried, but i was haha headphones.. haha sorry.... sorry yx.. =(

rain... raindrops.. symbols of sorrow.. symbols of sadness.. each drop.. represents each time one human being cries.. each drop represents each time its shed for sadness, joy, betrayal.. so on... juz how.. juz wat.. when will it stop raining.. only heaven noes...

*ears to iris (acapella)

Friends Forever thats y n j
together forever you both will always be
were there no matter what
the thick n thin were there
Friends Forever you gals will alwayz be.

i hope that helps, tats all i can do, now off to the docs. ciao.. haiz.

juz came back from duty.. yeah. wats going on, everything appears to be so heated...wassup.. wats wrong.. i was like juz came back from this duty.. and woah so much thing is going on with y and j... woah... serious would love to hope that they would work things out.. i m sure.. they would.. god so tired.. i m so freaking sleepless last night.. ahhh. eye bags.. flu.. fever.. god.. i m taking a rest.. i hope everything is alright with y.. she appears cheerful.. she appears strong, but deep down.. its juz a fragile heart like everyone.. i dunnoe wat happen... but i hope for the best..stay strong.. feel free to confide into me.. i m always free ya =D

Joyce.. i dunnoe abt wat really happen, but i m sure u gals can work things out.. damn if i could have come home earlier.. i mite stop all these.. why m i so useless... why? life sucks.... urghh.. gonna see doc soon if it opens.. damn it.... =D i dun mean to be a watever u think i m.. i dun mind getting all the shit.. and everyone else get all the good stuff.. haiz.. why?? why them?? why not juz me?

*screw one piece.. haiz..

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Duty.. Programmes..?
Stuffs to watch..
1600-1700 hrs One Tree Hill - All That You Can't Leave Behind
1830-1900 hrs Malcolm In The Middle IV - Malcolm Holds His Tongue
1900-1930 hrs The Simpsons XV - The Fat & The Furriest
1930-2130 hrs Free Willy 3: The Rescue
0530-0800 hrs COPA Argentina V Peru

hahaa a lot of programs balls..! hahaha.. but say wat to do between 1200 to 1600 haha.. kill time.. cut myself? silly... ahhh meditate...!!!

i have seen one of my friend's blog, and it is kinda sad.. when i have even started reading.. someone juz parted from u, in ur life.. its a reality..a sad one.. something that u need in life.. something that completes u.. always been feeling empty, lots of pals asked me to get real, i appreciate of their kind tots.. but at the same time, said easier than done. Lots of thoughts overwhelmed me when it rains.. and i mean lots of thoughts.. so what is that something that i m referring to, its | Love |. this keyword.. or should i say, when ur in | Love |, ur actually in a miracle.. i m sure i have only experienced it once till now.. maybe in time to come..

Conclusion
After all these tots, i feel that when u love or like someone, u should not hold back.. u should never stop. be it if u love this person more or less gradually, u can never measure love.. i dunnoe when this miracle will happen again, dissapointed yet hopeful. i hope it does knock into my door.. and trust me.. i will be a better person, always have been... trying to improve..

*confused yet hopeful...

Duty
oh no, there is duty today, damn it. Duty. one whole day, one whole day of duty. super sianz.. gonna prepare my sleeping back and some finger food and stuff.. wonder how Ying Xian is doing with her aunt's pet? haha *yawns.. gtg le.. update later yah =D

Friday, July 16, 2004

i m kinda tired.
i dunnoe y
i feel like sleeping..
more like crying..
juz how long will i stay like this..
when will she come?
is it fate dat we have to rely on all day?
or do we have to take initiative..
dilemma.. paul.. paul.. paul..
have to try to pull urself together..

sigh....

I have been upset and hurt for a while but I know I will be able to pick myself up after a while's time and it is working. I am not going to keep wallowing in self-pity. Wish me luckz..in helping myself..

Finally, as quoted from Dido's Whiteflag,
"I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"

Seether Featuring Amy Lee
Broken

i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
i keep your photograph i know it serves me well
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause i'm broken when i'm open
and i don't feel like i am strong enough
'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel light when you're gone away
the worst is over now and we can breathe again
i wanna hold u high and steal your pain
there's so much left to learn & no one left to fight
i wanna hold u high & steal ur pain
'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough 'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel right when you're gone away 'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough
'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel light when you're gone away

-
where is the light.. i juz wanna move on... is there no one else? haas.. nuts.. i have no idea wat to write... sad...

wat should i write? haas, empty thoughts. I am going out later.. clouds, ahh i love clouds.. yeah.. so wassup peeps.. haha new, new very new here.. dunnoe wat to say.. haiz.. will be going camp tml, duty.. duty.. urghhhh